Beyond Infertility

February 17, 2010

I could vomit.

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondinfertility @ 3:58 pm

So much of this fits, and we are going to have to figure some more things out.  However, this could be a viable diagnosis soon.  It’s only a mild case, and I keep reminding myself that Blue is in the minority of children with it who will be able to live independently, suffer few side effects, and thrive.  However, it doesn’t stop the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I have never been a fan of hate.  Anger and hate only serve to hurt the person who is feeling the emotions.  They fester and spread their grasp throughout your being.  It only brings you down.  It doesn’t really help.  Often that other person you harbor these feelings for isn’t even affected by it.  With that said, I officially hate Blue’s biological mother for this.  No really.  I do.  Now, I  must learn to let it go, and to focus on what’s far more important…my son.

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14 Comments »

  1. I’m so sorry it just keeps piling up and breaking your heart. The hurt we feel for our children is exponentially harder than the hurt we feel for ourselves. I wouldn’t feel too kindly toward his birthmother right now either.

    Comment by hope548 — February 17, 2010 @ 4:41 pm | Reply

  2. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that you and your family are getting hit with all of this…

    Comment by LJ — February 17, 2010 @ 6:34 pm | Reply

  3. I’m sorry.

    Comment by Jessica — February 17, 2010 @ 7:37 pm | Reply

  4. I’m sorry.

    Thinking of you guys.

    Comment by Heather — February 17, 2010 @ 7:42 pm | Reply

  5. I can’t imagine how vile the taste in your mouth is right now . . . though I can imagine what you would like to do the person responsible for your little boy having to do the hard work ahead of him. I am glad he has you and his Daddy and his grandparents and his little sister there to help him through this, to cheer him through the hard work ahead, and pull him through when he wants to give up (and there will be days and moments like that). He is a fighter, already having proved that to have made it this far without this having been a more obvious diagnosis. He is bright and capable, again, demonstrated to be at his current age with this having already not been diagnosed or considered. And now he will have the tools to shine even more brightly, even if life seems a bit dark and overcast right now.

    He can do it. You and Daddy and Little Sister and those Doting Grandparents will help him every step of the way.

    And the rest of us are here to help prop you up, on the days/moments/hours when you aren’t feeling as strong.

    I will also offer to pull on my black high-heeled boots and deliver an ass-whuppin’ to whomever you’d like too, just cuz that’s how I like to roll ;o)

    Name it, I am there, honey. Very serious.

    Comment by Ms. J — February 17, 2010 @ 7:51 pm | Reply

    • I would so love to see your marvelously pregnant self with your stunning LP in tow, kick the shins of the woman responsible! Thank you for the smile. I think you and I would make one hell of a team if we lived closer together. 🙂

      Comment by Beyond Infertiltiy — February 17, 2010 @ 8:31 pm | Reply

  6. I can’t blame you for hating her. There is no one in this society who is unaware of the risks of drugs/alcohol/tobacco/deli meats/soft cheese/what have you on their unborn child. It’s why we all cringe and judge when we see a pregnant woman smoking. Just don’t waste your energy on actively hating her, because you’ve got better things to do.

    Comment by a — February 17, 2010 @ 8:09 pm | Reply

  7. I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

    Comment by Miss K (Kate) — February 17, 2010 @ 10:26 pm | Reply

  8. YOU focus on your son. I’LL focus on hating that selfish bitch. Deal??

    Comment by Alex — February 17, 2010 @ 10:41 pm | Reply

  9. Oh no. This is what I was thinking as I read your other blog but I was praying it wasn’t CP. I understand your feelings. I wish I knew what to say. I’m crying with and for you. It’s not fair.

    Comment by Flicka — February 18, 2010 @ 1:43 am | Reply

  10. Phew…oh wow… I’m completely inarticulate after reading this because I feel so horrible. I can’t imagine the anger you feel. Even with little inequities in Builder Boy’s life, I get that primal, Mama Bear urge to attack anyone or thing involved. Your beautiful little boy will live a brilliant and amazing life with you at his side.

    Comment by RenovationGirl — February 18, 2010 @ 4:31 pm | Reply

  11. Your intervention is coming when he is young and he has so much love and support around him, he will do amazingly well.

    I am not totally surprised at the birthmothers use of anything….it happens too often.

    What DOES piss me off is that nobody told you. There was a serious lapse in judgment in knowingly withholding pertinent information from you. If it were me, heads would roll somewhere at the state or county level. I am fierce when it comes to someone vs my kids.

    As someone else eluded to in a previous comment, if it is CP, it will be mild as it hasn’t manifested itself in an obvious manner before now. Little consolation I know.

    I am thinking about all of you.

    Comment by OHN — February 19, 2010 @ 5:27 pm | Reply

  12. I hope that you know what a wonderful mom you are. You will be able to help Blue overcome all of this.

    Comment by My Reality — February 21, 2010 @ 10:45 pm | Reply

  13. I am so sorry.

    Comment by SassyCupcakes — February 25, 2010 @ 10:58 am | Reply


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